he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
