Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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