this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
