If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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