I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
