lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
