sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
