Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
