how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize