those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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