her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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