I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
