why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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