I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
