I wish I could teleport
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My liver just had a heart attack.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize