Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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