Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
