Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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