I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
