I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
