I molested 6 butterflies tonight
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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