I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
