I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My penis needs a shock collar
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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