benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
