I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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