to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
