We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
