You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
