A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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