Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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