we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize