evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
