I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The ass gains better be worth it
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