So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
