Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
