Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
