put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
