Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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