Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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