He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
