Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize