she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A+ Viking dick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
