everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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