seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
