Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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