whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
