There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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