You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
