heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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