Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
