I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize