It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
