well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
