Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's like iHOP with fire
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
