we have pet lesbian snakes
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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