Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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