I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
