and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
