i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
