i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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