I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
