I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
