I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it penis luge time yet?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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