The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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