We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize