Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
