Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
