they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize