Yo dont text me then not text me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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