I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just took my morning after pill in the library
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
