what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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