You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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