I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
