id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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