he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
