There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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