When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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