I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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