Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
