she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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