Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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