so that wasnt chicken after all
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
