Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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