so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I met the friendliest cop last night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
