So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
