Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
