you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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