Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
