I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my poor anus
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize