I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
