Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
