I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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