wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
