need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
