Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
