do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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