Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she told me i tasted like america
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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